Feeling Safe

I remember being a junior in high school when Columbine happened.  Prior to April 1999, I had never participated in a lockdown drill.  In fact, I had no idea what one was.  I had grown up with the obligatory earthquake and fire drills.  To the best of my memory, it was later that year or the next year (my senior year) that we had an intruder drill.  We had to shut the lights off, the teacher locked the classroom door, and we sat in silence of a few minutes.  That was it.  It didn't feel scary at the time.  I never imagined that I would now be the teacher who has to explain to my students why we have to practice hiding in the bathroom (I have a bathroom in my classroom) just in case someone with a gun comes to the school.  I think that this is the hardest thing I have ever had to do.  Seriously.  Explaining to a bunch of five and six year olds that we have to play the quiet game in a bathroom (do you know how many giggles being in the bathroom produces?) while I shut the lights off, drop the curtains, lock the door, and cover the windows and then join them is hard.  They may not be aware of what is happening in a state kitty corner from us, all the way across the nation.  Do they know what happened in Marysville, WA in October 2014? My students were one or two years old.  Probably not.  My students will never know a school career without lockdown drills.
I looked up the gun ownership laws in Washington because I was curious as to what was legal and illegal to own.  I discovered that a proposal that was [to be] reviewed in the 2017 legislative session regarding a ban on "semiautomatic weapons with military style features" and a maximum size of a magazine clip (to ten).  This proposal is still in the senate.  I hope it passes because it is a step in the right direction. Wait a minute. I just looked up the laws regarding firearm ownership so that I could know if it was legal to own an AR15 in my state. This is the gun that has been used in school shootings, such as the most recent one in Florida.  I am looking up firearm ownership laws to hopefully  correlate that likelihood of someone invading my school with this weapon!! This sounds ridiculous! I know that's not sound logic but I also didn't know that I would have to worry about protecting my students from an armed intruder.
So what now? First, I am going to teach.  I am going to go back into my classroom and make sure that each and every one of my students know that they are special and I love them.  I will continue to teach kindness, empathy, problem solving, and understanding differences.  Second, I am going to contact my representatives to let them know that gun control needs to be reformed.  SB5050 needs to pass. 
Do I feel safe at my school? Yes.  Do I want to believe that a shooting will never happen at my school? Yes.  Would I like to never have to do another lockdown drill again? Yes.  Is my awareness that I may be a little less safe at school heightened? Yes. Do I wish this never happened? Yes.  Is arming me the answer? NO. #never again.