Continued healing

Last night was quite revolutionary for me.  I didn't realize how much I needed to take care of myself so that I can continue to serve others.  Throughout the service last night, I was thinking about how I can bring more clarity into my life so that I can deal with the stressors and approach them with "dealing" mechanisms, rather just coping mechanisms.  It was so nice to go to church in a sanctuary I was not constantly looking around to see who is there so I can catch them after Sunday school or give parents paperwork for their youth. I was anonymous, and it felt nice.  I could focus on myself and really learn and understand how I needed to take care of myself.  

Today, with the Sunday school program I clearly understood the reason I felt compelled to go to a longest night worship service last night.  The chaos of getting kids into costumes, making sure every kid and adult had their script and knew where they were supposed to be would surely have been wearing on me had I not gone to worship and given some of my burdens back to God.  I don't always thing of emotional burdens as something that can be given away and often it takes an experience where I realize that my reaction is totally irrational and there is  a feeling of not having much left of myself to give.  And so I went.  The trusty words, "and also with you" that I have repeated all my life connected me to the elderly woman who had so much to give through her own grief.  I guess this is what it takes to have faith and why I keep having it.  Sometimes I have to be reminded to not hold onto and control everything.  It's hard and the main reason I have faith in God.  I'm not the one in control and that sometimes takes attending a church service because you're pulled towards the experience even though you don't understand why.